Obscene Oatmeal Lumps

Stephen Franco Issue: Section:

I am a little bit sexist and extremely lazy when it comes to baking.

I'll be honest, I think girls should make the cookies and since I live with my cousin, who is a girl, I make her make the cookies. "Oh cuzzie, I will love you forever if you make me cookies" or "gosh, don't cookies sound good?" are two very common segway sentences I use in our mansion. For the most part my cookie begging is easily appeased (thank goodness), but once in a great while I have to make my own cookies. I usually meet this task with dread. I'm not a baker and I usually leave measuring to the professionals. That is until now... I decided it was pretty lame to not be able to at least make an awesome baked good or two, I mean what will my future husband say when I mess up Tuesday's dessert? "Babe, these cookies suck..." are four words I NEVER want to hear. So here is my first real cookie success (it's an extreme make over of a cookie recipe in my cousin's little black book), I like to call them Obscene Oatmeal Lumps. Make your loved ones say, "Babe, these are the best damn Obscene Oatmeal Lumps I have ever had."

This is a two bowl recipe.

What you will need:

-1/2 a stick of butter (4 tablespoons)
-1/2 a cup of sugar
-1/2 a cup of brown sugar 
-1 egg
-1/2 a teaspoon of vanilla

Mix the above ingredients until they are a delicious creamy consistency. Then in a separate bowl mix the following:

-1 cup of whole wheat flour
-1/2 a teaspoon of baking soda
1/2 a teaspoon of salt
3/4 a teaspoon (or more) of cinnamon
-1 1/2 cups of oats

Now here is where you should be creative, throw in any or all of the following:

-A generous handful of crushed walnuts 
-A heap of peanuts
-A bunch of raisins
-A ton of chocolate chips

This mix should feel like a dry heaven, so put as many of your favourite trail mix type things in it as you can. Now add this dry mix to the first bowl. Use your hands and mix it together until it is a good dough consistency. Take this and put it in a freezer bag and toss it in the ice box for a half an hour. 

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Once the dough has chilled you can make lumps any size you want (I like to make mine the size of a fat golf ball). Place the lumps on a greased cookie sheet and cook for about 11 minutes. To make sure that they are done just lift one and see if its butt is golden, that's the key to a good cookie. 

Put the lumps on a plate to cool. At this time you can get really nasty and put a dollop of your favourite fruit preserve, right now I'm into Apricot.

Now take off your apron and make your whole family smile!

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